You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
