Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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