I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
