Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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