how hairy? two words: wookie tits
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
