Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
