I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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