I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
