she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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