Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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