I got chris browned last night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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