dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
