Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Randomize
