only you would photoshop your dick
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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