Me too!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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