so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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