Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You are the jesus of drinking
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
