What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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