oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
