I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
