I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
