Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
