you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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