I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
false alarm, still single
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
