I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
