There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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