I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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