this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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