i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize