Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
