my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
