The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
