If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
