My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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