And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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