Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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