I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
