Buhtt sex?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
