Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
