If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
