Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
someone owes me an orgasm
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
