the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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