When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
