I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
