im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
