I think my vagina is haunted
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
