He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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