best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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