her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
