thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
