is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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