headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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