Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
