i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
