Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
