So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
