Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize