I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize