"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she peed on how many people?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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