We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
