Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
