dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
