someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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