road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
