That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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